Sexuality has always had ties to food, whether used directly such as whipped cream; in language for example ‘what a dish’; or the use of emojis in the modern age ( 🍑 and 🍆). Masturbation is no exception to this. In this article, we will go through the relationship between food and masturbation, in all the forms it takes.
Food in Masturbation Slang
As many are aware, there are so many colorful ways to describe masturbation, that we even wrote a blog about it. And one theme that appears quite often is that of food. Obviously, since the point of euphemisms is to make what you are describing more ‘appropriate’ in tone, choosing something that everyone knows and less directly involved with genitals is the way to go.
Let us have a look at some of the examples of food-based masturbation euphemisms:
Slapping the Salami
Starting with a classic bit of alliteration. This makes good use of the salami, both in shape and meatiness, although if the action is ‘slapping’ it might not be optimal.
Beat your Meat
Switching to rhyming, this example keeps with the meat theme, but with a different, albeit similarly violent, action. If you end up with injuries, please change your masturbation habits and possibly see a doctor.
Jerkin’ the Gherkin
Staying with rhyming, but going vegetarian, the gherkin has the classic shape, and this time ‘jerking’ is a classic alternative way to say masturbating.
Buttering your Muffin
Moving away from penis-based euphemisms, this one is for the vulvas, combining two food-based terms. ‘Buttering’ in this case is the action of rubbing.
Flicking the Bean
This one refers to the clitoris, or ‘bean’, due to approximate shape and size (though it might not hold true for all sizes of beans or clitorises). Flicking, much like buttering, is a much less violent action word than those used for penises.
Food is sometimes tied to masturbation in more than just words. Occasionally certain foods enter the cultural consciousness for years, either from media like films, conversations between friends or just a common shared thought across humanity.
Of course this list starts off with the classic food from the movie ‘American pie’, where a pie is used as a masturbation aid.
Banana (whole or just the peel)
How you use a banana depends on genitalia. Used whole it can (but shouldn’t) be inserted, while if you just use the skin, you can use it as a masturbation sleeve. This became quite a big cultural phenomena for a while, even being reported in the news, suffice to say it is not a good idea.
Somewhat linked to the gherkin from the expression ‘jerkin’ the gherkin’, everyone appears to automatically connect this vegetable to masturbation, making buying a single cucumber with a bottle of lube at the supermarket a somewhat suspicious activity.
Bonus for Japan: Konnyaku (konjac)
This is a plant-based gel used in Asian cuisine. A block of this is very firm and flexible, and general knowledge states that once warmed up with a slit cut into it, it can be used for pleasure. Much like the cucumber, buying just a block of this might raise eyebrows, especially if the store clerk asks if you want it warmed up.
Food and Libido
Perhaps unsurprisingly, another use for food is to eat it!
What you eat can have an affect on how you feel, and in some regards this can be true about libido as well. We have written previously on what foods may be lowering your libido, in case you felt that a low sex drive was an issue, as well as conversely what foods can help lower your libido, in case you thought a high sex drive was causing problems.
And no talk of food and libido could be complete without mentioning aphrodisiacs. While there does not appear to be any truth to there being foods that can instantly get you in the mood, ‘modern aphrodisiacs’ are foods that can increase things such as stamina and blood flow over time, possibly leading to a better sex life.
Sexuality and food has always had a close connection, from our language, imagery with sexuality, both solo and with partners, as well as in our diet (to improve our sex lives).
It can be fun to keep an eye out for how much you see and use food in sexual terms, from messaging to daily conversation, to choosing what you eat when thinking of the night ahead. Just be careful with bringing food into the bedroom, whipped cream can be a delight, but stay away from microwaved banana skins 🍌.